they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
