Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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