Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
