Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
