We're facebook friends in real life
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
pray to the hookup gods
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha