The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.