thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail