I am in a vortex of obligation.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
