my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize