somebody snuck up and got me drunk
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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