you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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