its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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