You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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