I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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