she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
