I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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