I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
