In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he shaved USA in his pubs
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
