I cockslap morals
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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