You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
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