im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
