the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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