so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
