If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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