there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
