I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
