This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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