i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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