if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
