Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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