cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
