I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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