i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
