thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
