I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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