Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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