Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
