I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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