I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
