i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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