The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
