i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
