She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
