I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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