I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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