My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
