I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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