She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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