I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My penis needs a shock collar
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize