I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
