ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
