Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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