before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
