I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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