I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
