I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
