Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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