She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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