Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
