Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
