So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
