It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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