I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
bring money and cleavage
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
