my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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