i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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