wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
