we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
